PM Abe issued a statement today on the 70th anniversary of the end of WWII that included the words ‘profound grief ’ and ‘colonial rule and aggression’ but omitted the words ‘My government still sees the benefit of war’, and ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander’.

Security bills ending Japan’s pacifist constitutional stance will likely be legislated next month permitting Japan’s defense forces to participate in internationally acceptable war, as Japan is currently allied with the West.

The Abe Administration is so remorseful that it will abandon one of the greatest documents contributing to world peace and enable Japan to support America in both defensive and pre-emptive war (otherwise known as wars of aggression).

The government has commenced drafting pre-emptive apologies for any future wars fought alongside American forces.

“It’s too easy to sit back and enjoy the spoils of peace, we need to make up for our past and fight wars with America rather than against them,” one government aid said.