New security bills rammed through the Japanese Lower House include proposals for submissions to the International Olympic Committee to introduce a new sport for the 2020 Olympic Games: Regional Game of War.

Regional Game of War: Abe Age
Regional Game of War: Abe Age

Prime Minister Abe announced today his childhood fantasy of continuing in his grandfather’s footsteps, Kishi Abe, and playing with the fine balance of regional peace.

“The Prime Minister is excited to announce the possibility of war with neighbouring countries,” a close government aid said.

“He has dreamed of this moment from the time he was a little boy – he imagines it to be like a grand scale version of one of those war strategy mobile phone apps.”