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Prime Minister Shinzo Abe said Friday his government would investigate the issue of prominent entities having dual identities such as opposition leader Renho Murata and the Apple Pen.

Abe raised concerns over the possibility that public figures maintaining multiple identities may threaten the fundamental aims of the nation.

“One shouldn’t be allowed to be both an apple and a pen. You are either an apple or you are a pen,” Abe announced at a press conference.

“If you have an apple saying he is also a pen, the apple pen may become traitorous towards the apple cause,” said Abe.

renho_minshu_20130714 Ogiyoshisan - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Renho_Minshu_20130714.jpg
Opposition leader Renho Murata

“Conversely, the pineapple pen may secretly work for the advancement of all things pen and therefore desert the needs of fellow pineapples.”

Abe gave a practical demonstration to the press gallery inserting a pen into a cardboard cutout of opposition leader Renho Murata.

“As you can see, when I penetrate this Renho with a pen she becomes a Renho pen – a bloody traitor doing only what’s best for pens and committing treachery against this great country of ours,” said Abe.

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