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Investigators have discovered cyanide, arsenic, and NHK fee collectors lurking in the basement of one of the main buildings at the new wholesale market in Toyosu.

The investigation was prompted by the detection of large amounts of water in the basement of the main buildings, which created the ideal conditions for unwanted substances to leach their way into the market complex uninvited.

“The lack of soil beneath the main buildings has created damp, slimy, greasy conditions where these kinds of unwelcome entities thrive,” said the lead investigator.

“They just gravitate towards these sorts of environments.”

Investigators discovered seventeen NHK fee collectors creeping underneath the Toyosu market “feeling right at home” under the shadow of darkness.

“At this stage there is no significant threat to public safety with the number of NHK fee collectors in the area only slightly above official government recommendations.”

Authorities have indicated some concerns that these unwanted entities discovered underneath the new Toyosu market facilities may cause serious harm but government officials say these are some of the most “resilient creatures known to man” and they are “confident small doses of cyanide won’t harm their fee collecting capabilities”.

“As soon as we found them they asked us if we were able to stream NHK through our phones so it was obvious they were still mentally alert,” said one government spokesman.

Image: Murk Trek

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