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Japan awoke to the news this morning that they will be increasing their support for Prime Minister Shinzo Abe after a Ministry of Defense report carefully outlined fears surrounding North Korea’s potential possibility of having “mini-nukes”.

“Mini-nuke ga nai to ienai dehanai kamoshirenai jyanai?” said Defense Department spokesman Itsunori Onohashi at a press conference.

The government used just enough double negatives to strike fear into the hearts of the population.

“Did he say ‘dehanai jyanai’? Or did he say ‘nai dehanai jyanai’?” said 48-year-old housewife Tomiko Yabata.

Threats posed by North Korea have now  “reached the level at which we have to remain vigilant about who we are going to vote for,” Onohashi told reporters.

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