The Abe Administration has assigned a new cabinet minister charged with solving Japan’s population slide.

Deputy Chief Cabinet Secretary Katsunobu Kato began his new post by announcing a campaign to educate the male population about starting a family with real human females.

“We need to teach people that it’s impossible to have children with a cartoon character no matter how obsessed… in love you are,” the minister said.

Japan’s fertility rate is currently at 1.42, well short of the 2.1 mark needed for a stable population, and is expected to fall below 100 million people within half a century unless people start courting real live humans.

Kato also announced plans for a white paper investigating wasted white fluids lost at an alarming rate to unrealistically endowed cartoon characters.

“The government will be looking at possible measures to restrict the over accessibility of free disposable tissues,” Kato said.

The education campaign scheduled to begin next month will encourage people to “save your tissues, save Japan”.

Image: NDTV