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A towering Colonel Sanders crucified on a 30-foot tall cross has been erected at the famous scramble crossing in Shibuya to celebrate the coming of Christmas.

According to ancient scriptures, Colonel Sanders (which is translated into Japanese as ‘Our Colonel and Saviour’) travelled deep into Mount Sinai and returned with 11 herbs and spices, as well as one commandment: “Thou shalt not reveal the secret recipe”.

In the beginning, Colonel Sanders created the original two-piece chicken set, a chicken fillet burger, and a coleslaw mix, before pronouncing, “Let there be light”, as he switched on a desk lamp to formulate a highly marketable fast food restaurant menu.

Numerous stories of The Colonel healing the sick and performing miracles have been passed down over the generations both in written and verbal form.

The “Legend of Peter” tells of how The Colonel’s secret recipe helped a young man named Peter who was close to death after a massive one in Roppongi with his mate Jacob:

Peter 25:30
He said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted.” 

And perhaps most famous of all comes the eminent tale of The Colonel turning water into a large coke with any meal over 500 yen:

Tony 2:1-11

Then The Colonel told the servant part-time worker, Tony, who was employed on a minimum wage, “Now exchange any water with a coke to any customer who pays more than 500 yen.” He did, and the water turned into coke.

It has also been prophesized that The Colonel’s mother, Mary Sanders, was a virgin, although many believe she was just too shy to give an honest answer during the yearly “do young people have sex” survey:

Gary 1:18-25

“Do not be afraid, Mary, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Colonel. He will be great and will be called the Founder of the Finger Lickin’ Good Secret Recipe. He will reign over the house of fast food forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

The annual Colonel Sanders cosplay event where participants carry heavy wooden crosses from Shibuya to Harajuku will be held on December 23.

Image: Flickr/ThomasChung (edited TRW)

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