A towering Colonel Sanders crucified on a 30-foot tall cross has been erected at the famous scramble crossing in Shibuya to celebrate the coming of Christmas.

According to ancient scriptures, Colonel Sanders (or ‘Our Colonel and Saviour’ in Japanese) travelled deep into Mount Sinai and returned with 11 herbs and spices, as well as one very important commandment: “Thou shalt not reveal the secret recipe”.

In the beginning, Colonel Sanders created the original two-piece chicken set, a chicken fillet burger, and a coleslaw mix, just before saying, “Let there be light”, as he switched on a desk lamp to formulate a highly marketable fast food restaurant menu.

Numerous stories of The Colonel healing the sick and performing miracles have been passed down over generations both in written and verbal form.

The “Legend of Peter” tells of how The Colonel’s secret recipe helped a young man named Peter who was close to death after a massive one in Roppongi with his mate Jacob:

Genesis 25:30
He said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted.” 

And perhaps most famous of all comes the eminent tale of The Colonel turning water into a large coke with any meal over 500 yen:

John 2:1-11 (New International Version) 

The Colonel said to the servant part-time workers on a minimum wage, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.

Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the customer who paid more than 500 yen for thine own meal.” They did so, and the customer tasted the water that had been turned into coke.

It has also been prophesized that The Colonel’s mother, Mary Sanders, was a virgin, although many believe she was just too shy to give an honest answer during the yearly survey:

Matthew 1:18-25

“Do not be afraid, Mary, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Colonel. He will be great and will be called the Son of the finger lickin’ good secret recipe. He will reign over the house of fast food forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

The people of Japan are praying that the giant replica of a crucified Colonel Sanders before he rose from the dead on the third day will produce another miracle to supply enough chicken for Christmas after the recent bird flu scare, which resulted in the culling of around 540,000 two-piece chicken sets worth of chickens.

Image: Flickr/ThomasChung (edited TRW)


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