The whole of Japan has tuned in to their television sets this evening in anticipation of tomorrow’s typhoon results.
“I can’t wait to find out if I get Monday off,” says 54-year-old salaryman Takumi Sato.
“I just hope the politician I most despise, Abe Shinzo, has to work – given I voted for him.”
The majority of citizens who could be bothered going to the polls are expected to have voted for the LDP, either because Abe provides subsidies for their rice farms, they think Abe will protect them from Kim Jong-Un, or they are the type of person who prefers the same shit stuck to their shoes rather than stepping in a different pile of shit.
“After five years of Abe there are still nowhere near enough daycare centers, but I can understand how building a building and staffing them with staff can take a lot longer than five years,” says 45-year-old farmer Yuji Manabata.
“I’d definitely prefer to have the shit I already know wedged into the soles of my shoes,” says 46-year-old housewife Hana Wakabayashi.
Experts are forecasting a solid LDP victory allowing Abe to do whatever the hell he wants, which is mostly what the majority of the population doesn’t want, including restarting nuclear power plants, increasing taxes, not increasing company taxes, and revising the constitution.