Japan has commemorated the 15th of August as the day SMAP surrendered and gave up making premium quality music.

People flocked to shrines and temples all over the country to pray for another five member boy band that could hold some sort of respectable tune but also be extremely flexible in being cast as television hosts or TV drama stars.

“They were just so versatile, one minute you have SMAP belting out a love song, next minute SMAP Kusanagi is bludgeoning someone to death in a horror movie,” said one visibly upset man.

“You just can’t find that kind of flexibility by scouting hot young guys in Shibuya or Roppongi.”

The breakup of the irreplaceable SMAP has sent shockwaves throughout the nation with many asking if Arashi can possibly fill in the void.


“I can’t see Sakurai Sho playing Rolling Coin Tower on VS Arashi, reading the news in the evening, and then backing up that kind of excellence by cooking up an absolute storm on late night TV,” said one woman.

“I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to trust the deliciousness of the dishes he’s going to be serving up.”

Image: Dick Thomas Johnson

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