The World Health Organization (WHO) announced processed meats cause higher risks of cancer, but sausage advocates say there is insufficient evidence.

Sausage lobbyists and government insiders benefitting from sausage consumption, otherwise known as the ‘sausage village’, claim there is no increased risk of cancer attributable to the energy source.

“Tell me one person that has died from a sausage,” said one government official connected to the sausage village.

“Safety regulations have dramatically improved with all containment vessels now meeting strict government standards.”

The sausage village has begun a public relations campaign warning about the economic dangers of reduced sausage consumption and the lack of an alternative viable energy source.