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The Japanese government has launched the inaugural ‘Premium Friday’ campaign this week – an initiative for workers to begin their weekends early so they can get pissed quicker and recklessly spend away their hard earned cash without the restraint of common sense.

Prime Minister Shinzo Abe kicked off the nationwide project with a “few quiet ones” in the National Diet.

Abe was well hammered after a few cups of sake and by 4:30 p.m. had successfully spent a large proportion of the national budget in the space of a couple of hours.

By nightfall, the Prime Minister was exuding extreme consumer confidence slurring his speech and struggling to string a full sentence together – the ideal state for a rapid increase in guilt-free expenditures.

“Ah screw it, earmark another trillion yen for the construction of a Disney Air,” Abe told the members of congress.

“I’m going to arrow the hell out of this economy.”

Confidence is expected to remain high throughout the nation until rational thinking begins clouding the consumer mind Saturday morning.

[日本語版]

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