Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe appeared at a press conference this morning sporting an impressive chonmage in an attempt to regain support from a largely conservative population.

This is Abe’s latest strategy to distract constituents from yet another scandal where the government made the mistake of getting caught.

In an emergency cabinet meeting called earlier in the week, ministers all agreed the Prime Minister should request a traditional chonmage to his hair stylist.

“I apologize reservedly for getting caught in this latest beat up,” Abe told reporters at the press conference.

“Now, let’s put these cronyism scandals behind us and focus on my phenomenal chonmage.”

Abe’s advisors are expecting at least a five point hike in the Prime Minister’s support ratings over the next few days.


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