The Japanese pop group EXILE has plunged into brutal intertribal conflict after reaching a population critical mass.

EXILE numbers have been escalating at an alarming rate in recent years causing tribes to compete over ever-scarcer resources of TV and radio appearances, which experts say is unsustainable.

“I can’t turn on my television set these days without having to look at a plethora of backup dancers from various so-called EXILE tribes,” says Osaka resident Tomoko Harauchi.

An imbalance of the number of half-naked men prancing around on stage pretending to be high-performance dancers, as opposed to the number of members who can actually sing is also causing tension within certain tribes.

“The relative ease in which EXILE ‘dancers’ are employed, who offer little talent except the ability to maintain regular appearances at their local gym, has provoked fierce resentment amongst the one percent who can actually hold a tune,” said one expert.

Certain tribes have continued to release new singles despite a total of around 14,000 EXILE dancers having perished in vicious battles raging all over the nation.

The most feared of all the tribes THE FEROCITY – according to a TV special ranking chart where the public was surveyed on which tribe they felt would murder the most professional dancers for more fame – will be releasing a new single for Christmas entitled, “All I Want For Christmas Is You (On The End Of My Bayonet)”.

THE FEROCITY shot to fame in 2003 when they remade Zoo’s hit single “Choo Choo Train” in their own style renaming the song, “Blew Blew BRAIN”.

You can see an example of the band’s extraordinary dancing skills here in 2008 for the original version of “Choo Choo Train”:

Experts say war will act as a natural equalizer of EXILE’s total population and predict numbers to dwindle down to around 10,000 by the end of 2017.

Image: Flickr/Vasnic64


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