Former Nissan Motor Co Chairman Carlos Ghosn admitted to prosecutors that he understated his salary to the Tokyo Stock Exchange after being subjected to weeks of Japanese television being played nonstop in his holding cell.
The Japanese TV torture was supplemented with prosecutors saying irritating katakana words on a daily basis such as ガッツポーズ, ゼリー, エネルギー, and ハイテンション.
Ghosn was also offered a “ジュース” menu, which only consisted of carbonated beverages.
“We tried everything,” said one prosecutor, “we had a couple of schoolgirls come in last week, point at everything in his cell and say ‘kawaii’”.
“We also took him out to a pedestrian crossing and made him wait for the light to turn blue before crossing, despite there being no cars in sight.”
Tokyo Police have released a statement today saying Ghosn has admitted to a suite of heinous crimes, including masterminding the 1995 Tokyo subway sarin gas attack.