The former boss of Nissan, Carlos Ghosn, has been granted bail after agreeing to appear on Japanese variety shows to overstate how wonderful everything is in Japan.
Under his bail terms, Ghosn must say “sugoi” and “subarashii” at least 10 times during each television shoot.
Prosecutors have arranged with Fuji Television Network to begin filming Ghosn inside a convenience store next month.
“He has been instructed to comment on the awesomeness of our bento boxes while avoiding the adult magazine stand,” prosecutors told reporters.
Ghosn will be forced to act like a total douchebag and say things really loudly.
“We will make sure the convenience store staff are polite, or in other words, full-blooded Japanese.”
In other news, Mitsubishi executives and Japanese ministry officials are yet to be arrested for falsifying data on shipments and using retired and dead people to meet disabled quotas.
Former TEPCO executives who directly oversaw the meltdown of the three Fukushima Daiichi nuclear reactors are also waiting to be arrested for received data that anticipated a tsunami of more than 10 metres in height that could cause a power outage and other serious consequences.