The education ministry unveiled plans for all elementary schools to have English as an official course from fifth grade.

The panel also proposed that English activities, aiming at getting children to understand the mind of the gaijin, should be taught from third grade.

The third and fourth grade “Gaijin Minds” course will be a 10-week program including practical lessons where children can practice “what it’s like to think like a full blown gaijin”.

Practical lessons will include themes such as, “How to have an opinion on absolutely everything”, “Hugging strangers”, “Using your gaijin smash card”, and “Chivalry is not dead”.

The Ministry of Education has published guidelines for the proposed classes:

How to have an opinion on absolutely everything
Students will be prompted to talk with absolute conviction about things they have no idea about.

Hugging strangers
Students will greet students from other classes that they have never met before by hugging for at least three seconds in an attempt to become accustomed to gaijin logic.

Using your gaijin smash card
Gaijin smash cards will be handed out to all students at the start of the class. Students will learn how to present their gaijin smash cards when they want to seamlessly excuse themselves from any social norms.

Chivalry is not dead
In the Chivalry is not Dead class boys will open doors for girls and learn to expect no gratitude in return.

Ministry of Education officials say the course will also give the students a chance to experience “leaving rubbish behind at a hanami party”, wearing disproportionate amounts of cologne to cover up the “gaijin red meat smell”, and holding a “deep affinity” for mammals that live exclusively in the sea.

Official English classes for 5th grades are scheduled to begin in 2020 – the “Gaijin Minds” program will begin in 2021.

Image: hanenosuke


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