The Japan Meteorological Agency (JMA) has released the first coronavirus blossom schedule for 2020.

“Our models are predicting a rapid spreading of the disease to all parts of the country with more people expected to get drunk and mingle with strangers on large blue tarpaulins in the coming months,” said a JMA spokesman.

JMA is warning revellers to refrain from getting drunk in the park, but the common reaction throughout the nation is, “Iyada!”

The government is also saying “iyada!” to cancelling the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games.

Japan prides itself on its ability to be inflexible – once something has been decided there is no turning back.

“We started using stamps for signatures in the 8th century and we are still using them,” says Japan.

“There’s no chance we are cancelling the Olympics, which was decided upon a few years ago.”