Japan will withdraw from the International Whaling Commission (IWC) and resume commercial whaling in the new year, and says, “the more intelligent whales can swim to international waters”.

“If they are so smart they can go to the Antarctic Ocean,” says Japan.

Japan considers whaling to be a long-held tradition, just like Westerners kill pigs and cows.

“We eat those too though,” says Japan.

“And horse – nothing like a tasty bit of raw horse in the morning.”

Members of the Sea Shepherd are relieved to hear the news, as they can restart campaigning for donations and get paid to ram Japanese ships.