Researchers have uncovered never before seen manuscripts suggesting Commodore Matthew C. Perry of the United States Navy employed a gaijin smash in the mid-1800s compelling Japan to open its borders to the West.

“Mr. Matthew established the Convention of Kanagawa by means of gaijin smash or ‘gaisuma’, which are bequeathed to foreigners ignorant of the social and cultural norms of Japan,” read one woodblock print.

The leaders of Japan had no choice but to open up their country to foreign trade after Commodore Perry executed a gaijin smash during an official meeting with Emperor Komei and Shogun Tokugawa Ieyoshi.

“As a consequence of Mr. Matthew’s tall stature, long nose, and complete lack of understanding of Japanese customs we were forced to agree to exchanging goods with the outside world,” read another document.

“Mr. Matthew told Emperor Komei, ‘Hey buddy, don’t quite get what you’re on about with this whole ceremony with tea business, but we should trade’. To which our royal highness replied, “Okay, just get your goddamn gaijin face out of my magnificently regal palace.”

According to the texts, Perry also gaijin smashed a local bathhouse in Yokohama in the winter of 1854 by not washing his body before entering the water.

Images: Wikipedia/MathewBrady/LibraryOfCongress


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