Pope Francis aims to entice Emperor Naruhito into joining the faith of Christianity by offering the newly anointed Sun Goddess descendent free English lessons.
The Pope has cleverly disguised himself as a native English speaker by being born white, according to local sources.
“Francis-chan” has reportedly ordered his door-to-door Christianity sales men and women and ground troops at train stations around Japan to redouble their efforts in seducing unsuspecting citizens with the lure of English conversation.
“The first thing to say when you knock on someone’s door is, ‘Fear thou not, for I am not NHK’,” the Pope said at a press conference upon arrival in Japan.
The Imperial Household Agency released a statement saying Francis-chan’s overtures are of little concern: “The Emperor, being an all powerful descendent from the Sun Goddess, already has the ability to speak English fluently, it’s just mendokusai.”