A foreign resident living in Osaka Prefecture has been reflexively blaming racism for any negative happenings directly affecting his experiences in Japan for the past three years.

3-years-a-gaijin Luke Greenwood’s umbrella was taken outside a convenience store last night and the racism card was immediately evoked.

“Bloody racists, knew they would take my bigger see-through umbrella,” said Greenwood.

Greenwood was left with no choice but to take the smaller, mouldy see-through umbrella.

A bird also shat on Greenwood’s head this morning and this too was perceived as a direct result of discrimination.

“Typical,” admonished Greenwood.

“It obviously made the conscious choice not to defecate on Kenji’s head.”

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