Veteran English teacher Mike Crouch, who currently resides in Tochigi Prefecture in Japan, was confronted today with the unpleasant discovery that his very own children can’t speak English.

Crouch is the father of two country-declared ‘halfs’ Mari (11) and Jin (9).

“The other day at supper I asked Jin to ‘pass the salt’ and he just tilted his head at me,” says Crouch.

“I asked a couple more times, but he just kept repeating the phrase ‘wakkannai’, whatever that means.”

Pre-birth Crouch had great intentions of teaching his kids English while also getting to practice his own Japanese skills in the family home.

But now English is their weakest subject at school.

“When my kids were born I thought, ‘Perfect, I’ll help them with their English and they’ll help me with my Japanese – it’ll be the perfect bilingual environment.”

“Now my Japanese is still woeful and I can’t understand half of what’s being said between my wife and kids.”

The only English words Mari and Jin use are ‘teeburu’, ‘jyuusu’, and ‘terebi’.

Source: J. Vath
Image: Pakutaso