A strapping young white crusader has touched down in Tokyo today just in time to help solve Japan’s worsening population crisis.
“Calm down everyone, I’m here,” Jimmy Johnson said as he passed through customs.
The government reported on Saturday that Japan’s child population declined for the 38th year in a row and is now at a record low.
Japan’s birthrate has remained low amid a lack of Jimmy Johnson’s coming into the country.
“We can all take a bit of a breather now Jimmy is here,” Foreign Minister Taro Aso told reporters.
“Jimmy won’t completely solve the problem, but he’ll sure as hell give it a good crack.”
Aso says the government has called on Japanese manufacturers to further shrink the size of their condoms.